O que fazer quando se ama alguém que não nos faz feliz?
by Maria Beatriz Lobo - dezembro 21st, 2011.Filed under: Amor e sexo, Relacionamentos e família. Tagged as: amor bandido, Amor verdadeiro, como terminar uma relação?. amor doentio, E se amar só não basta?, estou infeliz, existe par perfeito, não consigo esquecer, onde está meu príncipe?, quando terminar uma relação, ser feliz é só amar?, será que ela me ama, será que ele me ama.
Esse é um tema que eu mais do que vivi, pois passei por isso várias vezes, além de tentar ajudar outras tantas pessoas que sofrem quando descobrem que amam, mas esse amor não traz sua felicidade.
Ao contrário do que se pensa, e do que se divulga e espalha pelo mundo, amar alguém é uma condição (na maioria das vezes) necessária, mas nem sempre suficiente para fazer com que sejamos felizes, ou mesmo para manter alguém nas nossas vidas.
Há casais que vivem felizes e não tem o amor como principal motivo da união. Apontam a amizade, a companhia, os interesses mútuos, enfim, cada casal sabe a razão pela qual decide manter sua vida a dois.
Quando está dando certo, não existem problemas que o amor não consiga vencer. O problema é quando há problemas, ou seja, conflitos de personalidade, carater ou diferenças irreconciliáveis que nos fazem sofrer. Na maioria dos casos, porque nós amamos acabemos pensando que devemos ficar e tentar mais uma vez, sempre, indefinidamente, porque o amor justifica tudo.
Ninguém, mas ninguém mesmo mais do que eu valoriza o amor e acha que tudo vale a pena para estar ao lado de quem se ama. Entretanto, não acredito que haja amor verdadeiro se sua base não for alicerçada na reciprocidade, se a convivência não nos faz sentir mais felizes com ele do que sem ele. Quando amamos, mas estamos sempre angustiados e sofrendo porque os defeitos do outro (combinado com os nossos é claro!) ou a vida em comum não nos torna melhores e mais felizes, é preciso ter a coragem de perguntar: devemos ficar com alguém só porque o amamos?
Logo que meu único filho começou a namorar, eu percebia que, como eu (e talvez por minha causa, ou seja, por aprender comigo) ele era capaz de desenvolver um importante envolvimento e discutir as relações de forma corajosa e madura, mas tinha dificuldade de perceber o momento em que os sinais indicavam que estava na hora dele dar um basta, ou educadamente deixar que o outro lado tomasse a iniciativa (mesmo que fosse incentivado pelo seu comportamento, ou por seus argumentos) de terminar o namoro!
Expliquei a ele que, diferentemente do que muitos imaginam, o namoro existe não para que encontrarmos logo com quem vamos nos casar (se fosse assim, o número de casamentos precoces seria muito maior do que é), mas para aprendermos a terminar uma relação.
Namoramos para descobrir o que importa para nós, aquilo que gostamos e aquilo que não aceitamos, para saber que nem todos ficarão conosco a vida toda e que mesmo assim vamos seguir em frente, vamos sobreviver, sozinhos, ou pelo menos até encontrarmos um novo par. É para isso que namoramos. Para sabermos o que queremos e o que não queremos para nossas vidas. Se não está sendo assim para alguém, é importante que essa pessoa saiba que deveria ser assim.
Por essa razão, é fundamental que pais e filhos conversem para que eles saibam que essa quase paranóia que nos acomete quando nos apaixonamos e essa dor do rompimento vão passar e que terminar uma relação quando alguém, de fato, não serve para nós é uma atitude madura e necessária para que a gente mantenha a individualidade e os valores preservados.
Não basta amar para ser feliz e o amor não se sustenta quando as condições básicas para uma relação não estão atendidas na visão de quem teve (ou deveria ter) a coragem de romper o relacionamento.
Quando o amor nos faz sentir menores (ao invés de nos fazer crescer), se há desrespeito, se nos sentimos abusados em nossa boa fé, se não nos sentimos completos, importantes e valorizados por quem amamos, é preciso ter coragem de mandar no coração e tomar a decisão a partir da nossa consciência. O coração não tem sempre razão e não devemos achar que ter amor por alguém nos torna prisioneiro de uma pessoa.
Nascemos sós e vamos morrer sós. Temos que ser felizes primeiro conosco mesmo pois somente quando nos amamos e nos valorizamos é que somos capazes de amar melhor alguém e fazer com que nos amem com mais justiça e equilibrio. O amor desenfreado de um lado só não funciona, simples assim!
Quem não teme em terminar uma relação, porque sabe que não está e não será feliz assim, mesmo amando, estará muito mais apto a encontrar (ou ser encontrado) e desfrutar o verdadeiro amor, esse sim, inquestionavelmente, a melhor coisa que existe na vida!
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